Holiday Hauntings

On December 21st, I announced that I would no longer be working on my book. The decision came after continued frustration with being emotionally hung-up on my ex, one year after separating. The book I’ve been working on is based on my last relationship, and I blamed it for keeping her in my life, like an unwelcome ghost. In the announcement I said: “The main character of my book was a hard-hearted, bitter old man. I’m letting this book go to keep from becoming him.” The book would take me another year to complete, and I was unwilling to feed it any longer.

Now I realize the announcement was made in haste. Yes, when I came to the decision, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. And yes, I am eager to get on with my life and begin new projects. However, when showing people my work they always encourage me to continue, and when looking back on the completed pages myself, I remember how far I’ve come.

So there are two questions I’ve been asking.

1) Does this book have more to teach me? — Yes, I believe it does.

2) Can the emotionally loaded subject be somehow quarantined and not bleed into my thoughts and emotions? — I dunno. Should it, even?

I make an effort to live mindfully, have healthy habits, and laugh daily. But is it so wrong for a little part of me to become a bitter, old hermit? Don’t all writers become their characters, at least temporarily? Isn’t that how authenticity is achieved?

5 thoughts on “Holiday Hauntings”

  1. That drawing, Dallion, omg. If ALL THAT WORK led only to that, it would totally be worth it, from an outsider’s prospective.

    But of course, it’s leading to much more. And I think it makes a LOT of sense to embrace that suspicious hermit-part of you for this moment. I don’t know if it’s about writers -becoming- their characters, so much as it being undeniable that these characters come from somewhere. He doesn’t seem to be unduly taking over, and you obviously have a firm grasp of what you’re getting into here. It sounds like there is still healing to be done around this relationship, and it looks like you’re going to be creating something beautiful, that will touch many people, while you do it. I think the Hermit receiving love from YOU is what will transform him for new, unpredictable adventures to come, romantic and otherwise. This book will bring that love about as you recognize the vitality in him.

  2. Hey man,

    I would hate to see this project go. It sounds like things have gotten a little intense for you. So what. First of all, you may be bitter and hard-headed (only one of those things is negative really) but you’re not “old”. Emotionally hung up on your ex after 1 year? That sounds rough. I’m writing about ex boyfriends I haven’t even seen in a decade. Sometimes they make me cry, still. This is why your art will be beautiful when completed, it will capture all that raw emotion. Please–tell me you’ve changed your mind?

    I do understand all the skill you’ve accumulated during this project and how that success is priceless and how you can move on if you want to other projects and they will be bold and professional and exciting and new.

    Just don’t burn this project. Time moves slowly. If we were 20 years down the road I would agree that you should give this up. But you’re not.

    You inspire me as an artist and a writer. Because of that I just wanted to let you know all of this.

    I meant to send a personal email couldn’t find your address.

  3. Terah,

    Thanks to persistant, supportive jerks like you, I’ve decided to finish this book. The holidays were rough, but 2013 has been great so far. Yes, I guess to create emotionally powerful art, one must actually experience emotion. Thanks for your candid comments; please smack sense into me as needed.

    I like what you do with words.

    1. Hey! You just called me a jerk! I love it. And congratulations, I’m so pleased to hear you are continuing.

      About your art. In the spring I will be redoing my blog…I can see you sketching a header for me if you’d be up for it. It would be something simple but special–something that would help to capture my point of view. Like your blog does. I have some ideas and I’ll send them your way in the future if you’d be so kind as to help me. I’ve contacted graphic artists in the area here but it fell through. Just let me know if you’re interested.

      Thanks, keep up the art.

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